Random Memories
Of Not So Long Ago

~Bye, Bye B-Ball

Staring at the faded blue leather of my steering wheel did it dawn on me what I was about to do. I had to get out of my car go in the gym find her and tell her that I didn’t want to play the most important thing in my life anymore. I glanced at the clock. It was twenties minutes before the second tryout begins she should already be inside. So what was stopping me? Fear. Fear of the known. What will she say? I took a shallow breath and stepped out of my car and went up the gym.

My whole body was clenched as I made my way through the front door of her office. The door flung open and she stood on the other side. “Oh my! You scared me,” She clasped her chest in surprise. “I didn’t see you there.”

“Yeah.” Were the only word I could muster out.

“What can I do for you today?” She asked me as she led me into her office, shutting the door behind us. She sat behind her desk with her hands sitting on top looking like a small pair of hammers.

“I am not playing basketball for you this year,” I told her straight out.

“Why?” She asked trying to rebound from the shock of my words. “Is it because of the many coach change ups over the last three years?

“No, well maybe some of it has to do with that.” I rubbed my head in thought as I could start to feel myself faltering, but I pushed on. “It’s the fact that last year I started out as one of the top players who started every game and the team did ever well. Then you started to play me less and less where I thought I was doing something wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Well you made me feel as if I had done something wrong,” I could feel tears starting to come to my eyes so leaded my head back to keep them from falling from my eyes. I cleared my throat and looked her in the eyes. “And I am not going to go through that for another year.”

“Why didn’t you speak out to me during the practices about this?”

“Like you’d listen to me you were always being talked to by one of the other girls who don’t even care if we win or lose,” She looked at me as to who the hell I was talking about. “I am not going to name names, but you know who they are. They pay more attention to their fucking hair then their game. This is fucking basketball not a beauty pageant! Look at me I am not the most beautiful girl in the world I have so many scars from playing this game that I was proud to ware, but not anymore.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. “I am done, I am out of here and I hope that your team does well.”

I turned my back to her and walked out the door feeling warm hot tears fill up my eyes. I had done it I had done something I really didn’t want to do, but need to do all the same time.